CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
While the deadline for announcing a pre-Christmas December election has come and gone, that doesn’t mean that the official campaign is not already upon us.
At this point, it looks like voters will be going to the polls as early as March, with Scotty expected to call the election after he gets the chance to take his Aussie blokeness to a never-before-seen level of cosplay on Australia Day 2021.
Arriving back in the country from Glasgow this week, Scotty has immediately slipped back into climate denial mode, after spending 12 days pretending he was going to join Boris and Biden on this brave new journey towards saving the planet from oil and coal billionaires.
With Scotty From Marketing back on the ground assuring the mining sector that their unsustainable pillaging of rural Australia is here to stay forever, Labor have also switched into election mode.
They’ve done this with their Biennial announcement of a plan to introduce high-speed rail to Australia!!!
Opposition infrastructure, transport and regional development spokeswoman Catherine King is now a household name, after dropping a press release today that details a plan for bullet trains down the entire eastern seaboard.
“Infrastructure Australia unfortunately has been largely sidelined by this government” said Kingy.
King says that the Coalition government has put forward very little in the shape of infrastructure over the last nine years, apart from paying for inland rail networks to service privately owned coal mines and the new, wildly corrupt, Western Sydney Airport.
Labor say an Albanese government would try to emulate US President Joe Biden’s infrastructure package to “leave a lasting legacy” and boost productivity.
And once again, a High-Speed Rail Authority is being promised to build the business case for a project linking cities on the east coast.
And is the case every time this press release is sent out, the proposal has been met with sneers from QANTAS CEO Alan Joyce.
“Haha. Sure. We’ll see” Joyce told the Betoota Advocate today, as he begins rapidly texting aviation lobbyists under his timber Eames table.
The recurring announcement of a high-speed rail network is a low-risk policy that Labor spin every two-and-a-half years – and has come to be recognised as the starting gun for a Federal Election.
With ambitious promises of a 3-hour train ride from Brisbane to Canberra, and a 5 hour ride from Brisbane to Melbourne – the plan aims to take the pressure off the busiest air traffic routes in the world.
“I’ll put the kettle on” said the Governor-General this morning.
“Lesssgooo”
