WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
Domino’s the largest Pizza chain in the world is facing a potential PR nightmare today after the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) revealed they will be taking them to court this year.
The announcement was made this afternoon concerning the pizza chain’s ‘predatory business practices targeted at vulnerable young men and women.’
“For too long now, Domino’s have been targetting emotionally drained and vulnerable hungover pieces of shit with tantalising pizza offers that are very difficult to resist,” a spokesperson for the ACCC said referring to the companies practice of texting people frequently, often at particular times like Sunday lunchtime, and Thursday night.
“After a long term investigation, we have amassed enough evidence to bring proceedings against the fast food giant in court.”
The spokesperson then motioned to an endorphinless young man standing motionless by her side.
“Look at this young man here, he just had Domino’s for lunch on Monday,” the spokesperson said.
“Let that sink in.”
“He wouldn’t have done that to his body, which is exactly the opposite of what it needs right now, if he hadn’t been seduced by a $5.99 large pizza.”
“For people like him, who are financially guilt ridden, and impulsively craving shit, the bombardment of text messages are immoral and cruel.”
“I know we leave in a free market, but you’d have to say even the AMP would be impressed with the behaviour Domino’s have displayed.”
Domino’s were contacted but refused to comment, asking only for the mobile numbers of everyone in the newsroom.
The case looks set for hearing later this year.
