LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota family has been given a reprieve of sorts leading up to the referendum as one of their madder uncles has given his usual conspiracies a break to focus on a clandestine and totally real Aboriginal land tax.
Although usually the quiet type, uncle Phil Nedhurst (48) has been known to pipe up after a couple of coldies and let his family in on some top secret research he has been conducting via a lesser known search engine.
Chief among uncle Phil’s theories are how fluoride has been snuck into Australian water to give us all cancer.
After encouraging his family to do a little research on it, his niece Googled ‘does fluoride cause cancer’ and immediately found several front page results that say ‘no, it doesn’t’.
However, the rest of the Nedhurst family can drink tap water without interruption this week as mad old uncle Phil has exchanged his fluoride rag for a serving of Aboriginal land tax courtesy of the referendum.
“I know what you’re thinking, it’s just a mad conspiracy theory,” stated Nedhurst, actually saying something correct for a change.
“They’ve made it look like a simple yes or no question but what they haven’t told you is that if you vote yes we are going to have to start paying extra for all that so-called stolen land we live on.”
“Seriously, they haven’t even mentioned how that’s exactly what will happen. You can’t find any information about it anywhere, that’s how much they’ve covered it up.”
“Some of my internet mates reckon it’s misinformation. They reckon it will be more than a tax, all land being repossessed. Total property revolution.”
At the time of writing, Nedhurst’s Millennial nephews and nieces have asked their uncle not to threaten them with a good time.
MORE TO COME.