A weekend warrior has decided to risk his life this afternoon by tucking into some mysterious grey meats encased in a golf shop sandwich.

Nine holes into his afternoon on the Betoota Lakes golf course, Simon Taylor-Made (33) told The Advocate he was so hungry he was willing to confront an evening on the dunny, such was his hunger for some complex carbohydrates and a mouthful of animal based protein.

“Mate I’m starving, I’m so hungry I could eat the crutch out of a low flying duck” said Simon, as he emptied the beef and cheese sandwich from its plastic casing and giving it a quick whiff test.

“I had a glass of OJ for breakfast and a finger bun for morning tea, I’m running on empty here!”

Having spent most of his life ridiculing retirees who enjoy teeing off every weekend, Simon is one of the many young Aussies who during lockdowns discovered the joy and pain of golf, and he now spends most of his spare time scouring Facebook ‘Buy, Swap & Sell’ pages to upgrade his gear.

Still getting used to the concept of playing a sport that can last several hours, Simon told our reporter he hadn’t quite nailed the art of pre-packing lunch before venturing out for six hours of walking, swinging, swearing and searching for balls which often end up in bushland adjacent to the course.

So green with his passion for golf, The Advocate understands Simon still hasn’t developed the iron gut lining that most golfers need to ingest a pro shop sandwich, which has often sat in the fridge for up to several weeks before being purchased.

“Hmmm, it does smell a bit but maybe that’s the cheese?” said Simon, after sniffing the cold stale bread, “It’ll be right!”

Shortly after speaking with our reporter, Simon was seen running into the trees on the 13th hole with his pants around his ankles.

More to come.


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