In a not so surprising revelation, a quintessential Australian soccer enthusiast has just realized, a month late, that the A-League season kicked off— mainly because he’d rather wake up at 3am to watch Arsenal than to watch Sydney FC at a reasonable time.

Hamish Chapel (21), a self-proclaimed “Gooner” – also known as an annoying die hard Arsenal fan, emerged from his Euro-centric soccer coma to discover that the local A-League had commenced its latest season four weeks prior—an oversight that has reminded him just how high his standard for soccer has become.

While Hamish has spent his entire lifetime ignoring , complaining about, or just straight up mocking Australian soccer, he still wonders why Australian soccer has lagged all these years despite being a nation full of fans for the beautiful game.

“I don’t get why we suck so bad, like I know our domestic game suffers from people not wanting to attend, but that can’t be the reason can it?” Hamish said

“Personally, I’d much rather wake up at 3 am on a Tuesday and watch the EPL on my laptop in bed, then go to the pub on a sunny afternoon and watch Sydney FC vs Adelaide United.” 

Hamish, who can list the transfer history of every European club with insane precision, reportedly suffers from a condition known as “Euro Snobbery” a state in which one’s soccer focus becomes exclusively fixated on the drama and glamour of multi billion dollar European soccer clubs.

The Euro Snob condition has been the single largest thorn in the sides of the A-League’s attempts to raise the profile of Australian domestic soccer.

“Ever since we got rid of the NSL and the ethnic based soccer clubs, it’s been kind of difficult to replace the level of energy that comes when Sydney Croatia take on Bonnyrigg White Eagles – especially when we’re competing with the high budget European games.” Explained one A-League head.


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