LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Two hours south-east of Betoota in the Channel Country stab capital of Mt. Quilby, residents are dealing with another unfortunate issue in the town’s long-suffering job market, although this time it’s a worker shortage.

Frequenters of ‘Dicko’s Tavern and Tax Returns’ state that while their family has been in Mt. Quilby for generations they are considering packing up and fucking off for good unless a musician that’s not Damo can start doing a few beer garden shifts.

Known amongst town as the only bloke with hands calloused from an instrument, Damien ‘Damo’ Forrest has been serenading locals with his mix of acoustic originals and that’s it.

“I think of music as happening in moments,” stated Damo, as he set up his speaker system to a rapidly clearing beer garden.

“Of course I don’t mind the odd cover but it’s my originals that really best say who I am.”

It is perhaps for this reason that Mt. Quilby locals have demanded Mayor Garth Guiness do something about this and try to get another pub musician in town, preferably one who doesn’t have a blanket ‘no Barnsey’ rule. 

Although working hard on legislation that would return some land to the traditional owners, Mayor Guiness dropped what he was doing to address what he described as “an urgent & terrifying labour shortage.”

“Seriously, how many more times can I hear Damo sing about his break up with Bec?” stated the mayor.

“We know you’re singing about her mate, it’s a small town and she works at the tav! She’s collecting our empties while you romanticise the deep dive into OP rum that was your failed relationship.”

Mayor Guiness then promised a new job would be coming to Mt Quilby in the form of anyone who could pick up an instrument and give everyone a break from Damo just a couple of times a week please.

“If you can pick up a guitar or a banjo please apply immediately. I mean geez, if you can play recorder pleasee apply.”

“Fuck! If you are a female vocalist please apply, that’s what this has come to!”



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