TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact

Walking into the office this morning, Jaysern Vukovic (37), was greeted by an unusually high number of judgmental scowls from his colleagues. Immediately thinking the worst, Jaysern looked down to see if he was exposing himself or had spilt coffee on his shirt, however, to Jaysern’s untrained and sartorially-starved eyes, he could see nothing wrong.

“Jays, don’t you have that new business meeting at 12?” question one concerned colleague.

“Yeah, pretty sure it’s still on, why’s that?”

“Oh, well, don’t you think you should have ironed your shirt? You know, good first impressions.”

The Advocate understands it was at this point that Jaysern educated his colleagues on his fool-proof de-wrinkling method.

“Haha what? Ironing? Are you kidding? I haven’t ironed a shirt in 10 years.”

“The trick is, you put the shirt on a bit wet, then it dries to your body shape”

“This bad-boy will iron itself out by 12, you’ll see” Jaysern proudly said.

The Advocate caught up with some of Jaysern’s colleagues, who were all too happy to throw the unhygienic and uncouth Jaysern under the bus.

“Oh my god, he’s fucking disgusting. I can’t bear to sit next to him. He drinks at least four Coke Zeros a day.”

“And he smokes, so whenever he has a ciggie he comes back in smelling like an ashtray – I get used to it but still”

“The un-ironed shirt is just another gross thing about him, you don’t know the half of it”

Following the choir of displeased colleagues, it seemed we did know the half of it. However, it’s hard to know whether it’s time that’s made Jaysern’s idiosyncrasies unbearable, or that he is, in fact, just a slob.

More to come.


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