LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A bayside town has revealed they don’t quite think too highly of themselves as not one of their takeaway places claims to have the state’s best fish and chips.
An important trade port for Betoota, the coastal suburb of Port Aloo (SA) is perhaps best remembered for the Port Aloo Toilet Block Murders (1993 – 95) and the Port Aloo Mall Shopping Centre Fire (2018 – present).
For these reasons, it is perhaps obvious to see why this bayside town might want to keep their head down and have gone to extreme measures to keep things low-key including not making unsubstantiated claims about their fish and chips.
“Seriously, there’s nothing good about the fish and chips here,” stated the town’s mayor, who’d prefer to remain anonymous.
“It’s made from farmed sharks that spend their whole life circling, bumping into each other, just begging for death. You can taste the depression in the fillets.”
“I visited one of the farms, it was so depressing, I was tempted just dive in. I’d shut the damn farms down but they employ 50% of the town.”
Port Aloo’s mayor also confirmed that the town features none of South Australia’s best pies, beaches, sweets or even anyone who was in any way good at footy.
“We did have a big thing once; the Big Smoke Stack. God, wish we still had it, when they moved production overseas they took 80% of the town with it.”
With all this in mind, it would seem that what Port Aloo needs most, aside from a name change as to distance themselves from the atrocities committed by Governor McAloo, would be a comforting plate of fish and chips.
Unfortunately for now, residents and those stopping for a wee will have to make do with the admittedly sub-pair seafood fair.
“Thanks for visiting though fellas. Sorry again by the way.”
“Don’t worry if it looks like someone is following you out of town, that’s just Pete. He’ll stop after about 100 kms.”
