ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local poon who enjoys working in an agency environment revealed to The Advocate via SMS that he quit social media on Monday and that since then, his life has improved a great deal.

However, without the aid of social media, he has no other way of telling his closest 900 friends just how good his life is without Facebook.

“It is a Catch-22,” explain Mark Cornholio, a local copywriter.

“While not having social media as improved the quality of my life remarkably, it all seems pointless if there’s nobody to tell that to,”

“It’s not like I’m about to start phoning and texting everyone again like it’s 2005. I’m not going to ring up all the fellas and tell them I’m doing a picturesque lighthouse walk over the weekend. Life just seems hollow without all the likes.”

In a study commissioned by the NRMA, receiving bulk social media likes for doing something as mundane as going to the gym or going on holiday is pivotal in fostering and nurturing the development of sociopaths and narcissists alike.

Both of which are important to the national economy, according to Roger Waters of the NRMA.

“Sociopaths and narcissists, such as myself, inject billions into the economy each year. Or at least we think we do. However, quitting social media can actually have a negative effect on the development of a young person in more ways than one,” he said.

“It’s rare for a Millennial to think of anyone such as themselves. Take a look at the Keep Sydney Open movement. You’ve got young people in the streets protesting over something that directly affects only them. I doubt any of them will protest for same-sex marriage because if they’re straight, it doesn’t affect them at all,”

“See what I’m getting at?”

More to come.



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