ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local marginally-employed-millennial finally caved into mattress giant Koala this afternoon after being bombarded non-stop with their Facebook advertising and purchased one of their reasonably-priced products in the hopes that the assault will stop.

Glenn Cole, a glassie and barback at the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club, told The Advocate that every single fucking time he scrolls through his Facebook, he sees an ad for fucking Koala and their fucking mattresses.

“Mate, it was either give up Facebook or buy a mattress. I couldn’t see any other way out of it,” said the 23-year-old.

“So I just thought, fuck it, I haven’t treated myself to anything this year. So I might as well get a fucking Koala mattress, seeing as though God and Mark Zuckerberg seem to think I need one,”

“A day later, I’m even further in credit card debt and I’m still seeing the ads. Why?”

The Advocate sought to answer that question for the financially-illiterate Libra and contacted Facebook for comment.

Moments after that request was lodged, our reporters received a prompt and professional reply.

“Please tell Mr Cole that you can hide ads that you find annoying or irrelevant,” said the US tech conglomerate.

“Also, buying a product doesn’t make the advertisements for that product magically disappear. Honestly, it’s common sense. However, we wish him all the best with his new purchase and for using Facebook to connect with the world.”

More to come.



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