ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A year-long study conducted by The Royal Zoological Society of Betoota has concluded that it’s basically impossible to have a bad time at a zoo.

Staff and customers at The Betoota Zoo were surveyed over the past 12 months to gauge their satisfaction levels and overall pleasure while visiting the landmark establishment on the South Betoota city limits.

“Out of the seven thousand people interviewed about their time at the park, only four said they didn’t have fun,” said Zoological Society chairwoman Louise Frost.

“And those four people only had a bad time after a peacock found its way into the bonobo enclosure, where they witnessed the bird being violently dismembered by the apes. We understand that could’ve been distressing, so we offered them a free return visit,”

“That and the time a deranged gunman shot our last Galapagos tortoise, but those who witnessed that event ultimately found it hilarious. One patron said it’s not everyday you see a giant tortoise being shot with a snub-nose .38 by a man still wearing his pyjamas.”

The news has ushered in a new era for the Betoota Zoological Park, who revealed to The Advocate this morning that the study’s findings have buoyed visitor numbers in recent weeks.

“It seems the secret is out!” said Ms Frost.

“If you come to the zoo and have a bad time, then you should go home and look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if anything in this world actually makes you happy.”


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