ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | Contact

A local ageing millennial was devastated today when she voluntarily and of her own free will, chose a Cherry Ripe from a Favourites box.

Even when there were other options available. 

When Jessica Jessicason arrived at the office at a prompt 11:02 am this morning (she was late as she had a doctor’s appointment to get a blood test as she feels she might be low on iron, turns out her levels are totally fine but she’s going to get a second opinion), she had no idea she would make a decision that she cannot come back from. 

“A rep had come in the day before”, Jessica tells the Advocate, “and of course they brought a box of Favourites and some pens. Meredith, the office manager, offered me the box as soon as I walked in, I politely declined as I’m currently intermittent fasting and am not allowed to eat til midday, but Meredith virtually forced my hand into the box”.

What happened next shook Jessica to her core.

“I… sorry I’m just still so confused… I chose a Cherry Ripe”.

“On purpose?” The Betoota Advocate queried. 

“Yeah. On purpose”.

“Ok but surely that was all that was left? That and Turkish Delight?”

“Nope. It was a fresh box. There were still Moro’s in there”.

Mums of the world understand the allure of a Cherry Ripe; the bitter dark chocolate, the sweet but somehow also bitter cherry and coconut filling, it’s almost a punish to eat and mums love that. But now Jessica, a child-free woman, has found herself in that same camp, and the only thing she can attribute it to, is good old fashioned ageing. 

“I guess it’s just a rite of passage? Choosing a Cherry Ripe over anything milk chocolate based? I don’t know. I should just take it as a sign to re-up my botox”.

Currently still struggling with her immediate passage into late 30’s-hood, Jessica has asked for privacy during this difficult time. 


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