EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A Betoota Heights woman who hasn’t had so much as a sniffle in five years has today revealed the secret behind her superior immune system, which has nothing to do with Chinese herbal medicine and more so some of the weird shit she put in her mouth as a kid.

Melanie Tatsworth, 31, tells The Advocate that she thoroughly believes being exposed to an ‘alarmingly high’ amount of germs as a kid helped to create a super immune system, stating that genuinely cannot remember the last time she got sick.

“I never thought I’d admit this to anyone”, says Melanie, looking a little sheepish, “but you remember how all the PCYC pool noodles had bites taken out of them?”

“That was me.”

“Well, not the pool noodles at every PCYC, but definitely the ones at the Betoota CBD PCYC, circa 2001.”

“Especially the red and blue ones.”

Melanie says she was partial to blowing water through the noodle holes as well.

“That, and making my BABY Born doll pee out of its mouth by pouring the bottle in the opposite way”, she adds, “which sounds completely unrelated but makes sense?”

“There’s definitely an overlap between pool noodle biters and kids that abused their toys.”

More to come.


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