ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Sitting through another 100-minute sci-fi trainwreck last night, Sam Gregory sighed and felt underwhelmed by the lastest Cloverfield film – the latest in a long line of similar flicks to do so.

The 40-year-old was born the same year France executed their last person with a guillotine and the same year the first Star Wars film was released.

“It’s safe to say I’ve been a lifelong fan of the franchise,” said the harmless Sagittarius.

“Which is why it pains me to see it take such a turn.”

Since George Lucas sold the rights to the epic space opera media franchise company to Disney in 2012 for USD$4.06 billion, Sam said he’s noticed a significant drop off in quality of both storyline and character development – which has mystified, angered and confused him.

“It’s not like Lucas was even good at that in the first place,” he said.

“But these new Disney ones, these cash grab movies are making me look back on the prequels fondly,”

“Where at the time, I thought they were worth burning down half of Burbank for.”

From the podracing scenes to the casually racist characters, many parts of Episode One are now bedmates with nostalgia in Gregory’s mind, something he never thought possible.

“There would’ve been a time in my life when if you asked me to get two unnecessary knee reconstructions or sit through Episode One, I would’ve taken the surgery,”

“Episode Two was worse. It was nice to see that dude from Once Were Warriors again but it wasn’t enough to save that car crash,”

“But yeah. Now I don’t even care anymore. Worst thing is that they’ll just keep coming year after year.”

More to come.



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