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The net result to the taxpayer should be nil, according to Kevin Rudd.

Taking offence to an article published by the ABC, the former prime minister this morning announced his intention to sue the public broadcaster for public money, using public money given to him.

“They said I lied and that’s not correct,” said Rudd.

“The one who lied is Peter Garrett, he should change the words of his fucking song to, ‘how can we sleep while my pink bats are electrocuting underqualified Millennials in South Brisbane?’ or something like that,”

“Honestly, I had no idea. I like the ABC more when they made the video of my playing handball with those children go viral. Or when they leaked a video of me swearing.”

But that’s not correct, says an ABC spokesperson.

The Cabinet File discovery suggests that Mr Rudd did know that the now infamous ‘Pink Bat’ scheme was ‘quite dangerous’ and that it was exploited heavily by the very same criminal gangs former Queensland Premier Campbell Newman tried to disband.

“There are no real winners here,” said that ABC person.

“We’re all in the same boat here. Most of the ABC are lifelong public servants who’ve never really been exposed to the dangers of a career dictated by clicks, display advertising and a free market economy. Just like Kevin Rudd,”

“No matter who wins, there shouldn’t be any impact upon the taxpayer. The only people who stand to win here are Kevin Rudd’s legal team – and that money will no doubt go to a ski resort or a BMW dealership.”

More to come.



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