In an astonishing display of urban bravado, local city boy Nathan Pissani (27),  has been caught in a web of lies, deceit and self delusion, claiming he knows how to drive, he just hasn’t gotten around to the paperwork of it all. 

Nathan’s main argument for the lack of legal driving capabilities stem from the fact that he was born and bred in the inner city and has never really needed to rely on a car. 

“I just have no need for one, I know it would be useful to have the license but I just hate paperwork so much.” Nathan proclaimed.

Despite being on his L’s twice and countless job opportunities thrown away because of his determination to avoid paperwork at all costs, Nathan is proud of his driving abilities and believes he could pass any driving test thrown his way.

“Yeah, I got my L’s at 17 so in the last 10 years i’ve done enough accompanied driving to drive a car, not a manual though.”

When asked about the inconvenience of not having a license, Nathan said it was no sweat off his back. 

“I’ve always lived walking distance from the shops, I’ve always had friends to help me move house and I know the public transport network like the back of my hand.” Nathan said while walking to go do his shopping.

While Nathan is comfortable in his refusal to do what normal people do, his friends are starting to feel he really should get his shit together.

“Thousands of dollars!” Said Jack Tapperson (26) , to baffled reporters.

“Thousands of dollars, that’s how much he owes me in petrol money at this point, I could have driven him across Australia multiple times at this point.” complained Jack, a longtime friend of Nathan.

“He does have great AUX cord selection though”. Jack admitted.

When pressed on the fact that he’s getting closer to 30 with no clear sign of ever getting his P’s, Nathan unveiled a new plan for when that time comes.

“Yeah so you know how everyone’s concerned about the environment now? well I’m just going to use the line that I want to lower my carbon footprint when people ask.”

“It’s a win-win excuse when you think about it.” Said Nathan.


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