ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

While the rest of his coworkers are still galavanting up and down the coastline, one brave junior portfolio manager has braved the fierce coalface of the sharemarket this week – alone.

Darcy Robuck, a 25-year-old trader at bespoke local private asset management firm, Madden & Fellatio, told our reporters that he deserves the beer he’s currently sipping on down at the Cashew & Pogostick Hotel in Betoota’s fabled Old City District more than others he’s sipped on.

He took time out of his busy afternoon of watching cricket and inhaling pints to talk to our reporter.

“Mate, it’s been hectic,” he said.

“All the medical marijuana stocks have gone apeshit this week and the phone’s been ringing off the damn hook,”

“Been trading all day, mate. I’ve had to run some down to the Betoota Stock Exchange on foot even. Like back in the 90s, it was great. Anyway, I’m fucked, mate. Can I get you a beer? Nah, come on! What are ya drinking? It’s fucking 2pm on a Friday, nobody in the financial industry is at work right now. Have a beer with me!”

And with that, our reporter filed this story from the disabled toilet of the Cashew & Pogostick, telling our editorial team that he was done for the day.

There’s a box on his desk waiting for him because unlike the share market, the news doesn’t knock off and go to the pub.

More to come.



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