ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Though most of his mate’s down at the Cashew & Pogostick Inn in Betoota Heights would describe him as ‘spirited’, those who know him best just say he’s an angry man.

Nobody knows what Johan Prescott is angry about, they just know he is.

The 61-year-old explained to The Advocate today that aside from all that, he’s looking forward to this year’s Australian Tennis Open which is due to start in the coming days.

Which is why the semi-retired estate agent has a bee under his bonnet this morning – he read somewhere that Nick Kyrgios, arguably the nation’s most talented tennis player, is a red-hot chance of making it deep this year.

“I was so offended, so angry that I stormed out of the house, walked down to the newsagent, bought The Australian with a $50 just so I could have MY opinions on this matter reaffirmed,” he said.

“It’s not up for discussion. Nick Kyrgios doesn’t deserve to make it to the quarterfinals! If he does, I will so fucking livid. He needs an attitude transplant. If only Pat Rafter or Double-L Lleyton had half his talent, they’d still be walking over that kneeless Swissman to this day!”

“All that counts is that my opinion is correct but I ain’t spending any time on it.”

When Mr Prescott declared himself a ‘tennis expert’ during the interview, his eldest son George cough laughed and got up to help himself to a cold cordial from the fridge.

Shortly before our reporter left the Prescott home, The Advocate spoke briefly to George about his Old Man’s racquet and ball smarts.

“He hasn’t watched a game of tennis since last year’s Australian Open,” he said.

“The bloke can’t even pronounce Roland Garros properly. Anyway, tennis always gets him worked up,”

“I blame the media for fanning the flames. He pretty much listens to whatever a shock jock says and then parrots it back to everyone without even thinking about what he’s saying. When I make it, when I make it big, I’ll move as far as I can away from this desert and never come back.”

More to come.


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