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For over a year, Steele Fightmaster’s favourite American flag button-up has hung in the corner of his walk-in wardrobe in Betoota Grove untouched.

Arriving in the Desert Capital four years ago for work, the 34-year-old said that ever since ‘you-know-what’ happened in 2016, he’s felt embarrassed about being outwardly American.

Even though he works in oil exploration, has no qualms with exploiting the Earth’s natural beauty for sheer profit, the final straw he says came earlier this week.

“Every country is like a human being,” he said.

“They all have shitholes. Australia is full of shitholes just the same as Denmark is. Take it from this man-of-the-world, there’s some outrageous shitholes in Denmark. America, per capita, has a lot of shit holes. Trust me. I’m originally from Oklahoma,”

“Anyway, I used to enjoy throwing on the Stars and Bars of a warm summers night. Head down to the Dolphins Club or the Royal and have a few cold beers and boogie. Hell, I even used to ‘yeehaw’ if I felt like it. Instead of clapping politely at football games, I’d shout and holler, scream and stamp my feet. Whistle obnoxiously loud, turn my hat backward and flip off the opposing team’s supporters,”

“Nowadays, I just clap and smile like every other white middle-class bougie piece of shit like me in this fucking postcode, I swear to Christ, man. It’s killing me. Fuck, one time I even said I was Canadian. I hope one day I can be proud of being American again.”

When asked if he’d still feel the same if a celebrity was elected President in 2020, Steele kind of laughed and smiled. Then it looked like he was about to cry so our reporter let himself out.

More to come.



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