A local Betootan sampled a tasting flight of future illnesses today as he started his day by knocking back an energy drink and a dart while basking in the warm rays of the sun. 

This sampler of worldly pleasures and human ailments is Betoota solicitor Mark Ensons, a partner in his family owned law practice Ensons & Sons.

As someone with a high pressure job full of constant stress, Mark needs his outlets which is why he was once an avid bushwalker and occasional runner.

These days however, Mark finds the best way to deal with the stress his body is under is to add some more in the form of mass quantities of sugar, caffeine and all that stuff the adverts say is in tobacco. 

While savouring a heart squeezing drink and a flavour country lung shortener, Mark has even been known to get a little sun while doing so, meaning any potential tumour looking to set up ship in Mark’s body is really spoiled for choice.

“It’s just a great combination,” stated Mark, his brain able to deny all the information his decaying body is passing through to it.

“Look, the WHO just classified sugar free soft drinks as carcinogenic. Nothing is fun anymore, everything is going to kill you but at least I will be surprised when I find out what’s going to do me in.”


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