30 March, 2017. 13:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As a part of his ongoing rehabilitation, recent double-transplant recipient Dennis Sparklemein had told everybody from his medical team to his young adult children that he still thinks life as better in his heyday.

The 69-year-old revealed to The Advocate that he his generation had real things to worry about such as communism, AIDS and Catholic people – ‘poisonous’ aspects of society that today’s generation doesn’t have to worry about thanks to the sacrifices made by the Baby Boomers.

However, thanks to the advancements in medical science and an unlucky motor cyclist, the South Betoota property investor has a new lease on life after treating his old organs to a daily pack of Peter Stuyvesants and a wheel of double brie.

“I know that if I needed the operation back in the 70s, they would’ve just laughed and told the crematorium to warm the oven up, but life was just so much better back then,” he said.

“Now that I’m old and fucked, my hand and fingers crack when I open a jar even. But yeah, I’m thankful and all for the organs but that won’t change my mind of when life was better in the country.”

However, some of his children his agree with their old man.

“I could literally smell home ownership,” said son Tom, 28, a local advertising executive. “When the doctors said they needed a miracle, I figured he’d be dead within a week. The old bastard’s worth like 10 or 20 big ones.”

“House prices in Betoota are only going one-way. This desalination plant has fucked the town up with their high salaries and unskilled workforce. Life sucks for young people right now.”

More to come.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here