27 October, 2015. 14:05

HARRIS MANTER | Contributor | Contact

In an exciting week that has seen a both New Zealand and Australian make it through to a trans-Tasman Rugby World Cup grand final, both former players and politicians have thrown in their two cents as the hysteria surrounding Rugby Union reaches heights not seen since the Alan Jones-era.

Just yesterday, former-Wallabies captain, John Eales attracted criticism for likening Australian-born All Blacks fans to terrorists.

However, the social media-savvy leader of the New South Wales government has also made big claims.

NSW Premier Mike Baird has today announced that the government will fund a $2 billion upgrade to the M4 Motorway in Sydney to combat increasing congestion created by the rampantly expanding Wallabies bandwagon.

Fraught commuters have been frantically petitioning the State Liberal government to address the problem, which has reportedly gone from bad to worse since the side’s gritty 15 – 6 triumph over the Welsh, right through to their lucky escape from Argentina on Monday morning.

“The government has listened, and we have heard that this is a deficiency that needs to be addressed” said a chastened Baird on Monday afternoon.

The M4 Motorway has received little attention from government in recent years, despite numerous calls for widening during boom periods.

A resurgent Wallabies side has attracted a myriad of new followers among the broader Australian public. While the present infrastructure network was sufficient to cope with the anticipated deluge of support from the fans of ‘running footy’ turned away by Wilkinson’s 2003 nightmare-turned-reality England world cup victory, additional backing has been generated from unexpected sources.

A significant number of rugby league fans have leapt aboard the already creaking bandwagon, citing disillusionment with the embattled code’s standards of refereeing and a rapidly decreasing commitment to beers and casual misogyny.

Droves of Wallabies fans are reappearing after nearly a decade hiding from the shame of being an Australian rugby union fan
Droves of Wallabies fans are reappearing after nearly a decade hiding from the shame of being an Australian rugby union fan

While the bandwagon and accompanying passengers had barely occupied a single lane of traffic since John Eales’ fairytale retirement, reports indicate that it has expanded to comfortably take up three lanes with no sign of slowing.

“The government was not in a position to predict the extraordinary turning out of fair weather supporters for the Wallabies, in view of their ineffective halves combination and weakness at the set piece prior to the tournament” said Baird.

“Despite this, we are committed to improving our infrastructure to accommodate as many poorly committed fans as possible,”

“We can only rue the failures of previous administrations to seize the initiative during any one of the last five or so tilts by the Sydney Swans at the flag.”

At press time, reports were received that a significant contingent of Sydney Roosters fans were digging through their bottom draw in a frenzied hunt for faded 1999 Wallabies jerseys.


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