After boldly revealing on social media that he was travelling via public transport to the Central Coast on New South Wales, Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced that he will be avoiding rail commutes from now on.

“I honestly didn’t think people like that existed,” said Malcolm Turnbull while rubbing his hands with anti-septic dry-wash provided by his staffers at the other end of his journey.

“Gosford is like Newcastle, just replace the steel industry with heroin,”

“And I’m not surprised by the fact that they don’t have any tourism. Someone get Lucy on the phone and let her know I’m safe. She was terrified about me doing this today,”

While visiting the town colloquially known as “Goeyford” to discuss the belated expansion of an outdated NBN, Turnbull has decided travelling by rail is no longer for him, despite how appealing it makes him in the polls.

“This place is fucked,” said Turnbull.

“After about six different people offering me class A’s, I almost said yes,”

“It would have been much more pleasant than having to avoid looking at the screaming kids and borderline domestic violence that surrounded me,”

Mr Turnbull says his experiences today have resulted in him having much more sympathy for the likes of Bronwyn Bishop.

“Mate if Geelong is anything like the shitholes that outskirt Sydney… then I do not blame her,”

“Imagine having to travel like this to work. Yuck!”

“I can see why Trump won, to be honest. If I had to look at this stuff each day I’d be voting for an apocalypse”.



  1. So, I’m guessing, Malcolm Turnbull will now be setting aside a little extra time for discussing further solutions, with Lucy Wicks, on how to help our CBD.
    I guess time will tell, if he really gives a shit. Lol… What was I thinking, it’s not his neighbourhood.

  2. I have lived in GOSFORD for over thirty years and never heard it referred to as ‘Gooeyford’
    Not sure what Tunbull took before his ‘trip’
    Just lost my vote and probably a lot of the locals too!
    Arrogance and superior attitude not appreciated Mr Turnbull.

    Educated hard working middle class VOTER

  3. Come to Parramatta and catch theT80 to Liverpool !
    Find out how hard it is to earn a living in the real World !
    Oh , and live on $25 bucks an hour !

    • Haha mate. $25 bucks an hour is way more than most average earners earn in UK. You aussies have no idea how much you live in paradise. Gosford in the UK would be considered a middle class suburb, as would most of parramatta. STRUTH!!!

  4. As much as Gosford really needs major help in revitalizing the township, I do not expect any politician should be using the language used to describe his travels and our home like that. He (although I am sure it wasn’t meant), has basically called residents of the coast as druggies with unruly children.
    Maybe our local politicians should be fighting harder to loosen the purse strings to the treasury.
    Wake up to yourself Mr Turny-bull (shit).

  5. The only, literally ONLY things Gosford (and the vast majority of the rest of the Central Coast) invests in… is soccer fields and slow internet.

    Nice post, Clancy 😛

  6. Locals tip: Wrap your dope up and seal it in coffee, then tha dogs dont get ya. If they do try n stop ya just run up to the hospital and hide out in tha methadone clinic, they wont come in there. 😉

  7. he just had an unlucky day
    i went to Canberra a few years back and was totally discussed in what i saw there with the drugs around caravan parks and the mouths on the children under the age of 12 un… believable but i put it down to an unlucky day there

  8. I though it was called Parramatta by the Sea. I’m obviously out of touch! Thanks for such an informative article. I never had any intention of going there, but I’m definitely not now. Poor Malcolm!

  9. Um… please provide reference to where the Premier swore – I’m not a fan of Turnbull by any standards, but this just seems like BS to me..

  10. Like Jason I have been discussed by a lot of things.( Not so sure about the children”s mouths.) But Malcolm Turnbull not liking Gosford? Come on, what sort of stuck up bastard is this man?
    Apart from that, he is always skiting that he is a Roads Scholar from Oxford Street. Why in the world would a roads scholar take a train, the most primitive form of transport since the donkey?

    Bring Tony back. At least he was nice.

  11. Oh poor baby, get real Mr Turnball maybe you should get your hands dirty more often , and see what real life is more often.

  12. Malcolm you did a dirty low thing when you backstabbed Tony Abbott whose efforts and reforms you are now putting in place.
    Now in my books you are even lower by your comments on Gosford. Yes there may be problems there however the standard of living is extremely bad due to no jobs, welfare cuts, pensioners not looked after, two parent families who have to work to survieve leaving children alone.
    Spare a thought for the families and community who live in Gosford and work in Gosford and raise their families in Gosford. Then there are hundreds of people who have lived and raised their families in Gosford. Your statements were snobbish, arrogant, uncalled for , and you should hang your head in shame. I have voted liberal all my life, but will never vote for you. Bring Tony Abbott back at least he did many good things without seeking accolades and rubbishing people and towns who are struggling. Most of all he was a genuine honest person.

  13. Fark me some people are dumb….Obviously some d ! ckhead has written this tongue in cheek thinking it would be funny, it’s not….It is not a real story people !!!

  14. lol thats your country your talking about you fucking mong. ur pm you supose to fix this. this is a democracy. which means o rule the people. either rule them or duck off you rich prick why are you even here?

  15. Jeez there are some dense bastards around. I cant believe that people think this is a legit story. What scares me most is that you dopes are allowed to vote. Shows how easy it is for the MSM to influence people.


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