29 January, 2016 10:30


A 42-year-old Queensland man has been suddenly stricken with a strong case of glaucoma whilst reading amendments to the Therapeutic Goods Act.

“It came on so suddenly” said Richard Hua.

“My eyes were a bit dry from reading the news, so I did some online research and diagnosed myself as having chronic glaucoma.”

“A quick visit to Wikipedia listed a number of cures, so I’m going to start self-medicating immediately.”

Citing previous good health, Mr Hua says he has never been much of a big drinker when it comes to alcohol, and his idea of a soft drink is an orange juice.

“These new laws means I’m going to spending a bit more time with an Orchy bottle in hand,” he laughs.

“Either that or a Gatorade sax! [hysterical laughter]”

Since his diagnosis, Mr Hua says he has been much more health-conscious and insists he is very wary of any new changes in his body, including a new list of symptoms such as dry mouth and bloodshot eyes.

Mr Hua claims that he has never needed glasses before. This comment was followed by an unnecessary amount of laughter, shortly before he pointed out that the time was 4:20pm.

“I’ve never needed glasses but I definitely have glaucoma” – he said before suddenly changing the topic of conversation to a conspiracy theory about the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Our interview was cut short by another possible symptom.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to eat some twisties… I’m so goddamn hungry [laughter]”


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