Chuffed local man, Andrew Morris has spoken to The Betoota Advocate today about what he describes a “fucking close call”.

When confronted by his wife, Angela, about a concerning spike in the household’s monthly internet bills – the self-employed father-of-three was successfully able to shift the blame from himself – to his 15-year-old son.

“I would have been in some serious strife if she figured out it was me that had been flogging all of our data… pardon the pun,”

“When we went over the internet usage that’s when things got hairy, my wife checked the usage history and saw some 1.30am’s… I, mean yeah that was me… But I didn’t want her knowing that,”

“She’s usually on night-shift around that time and there’s no way I could have blamed the twins. What kind of seven year old girl would be streaming 80 minute adult films that early on a weekday,”

Mr Morris says blaming his son, Nathan, was the most logical move considering the potentially disastrous repercussions he was staring at.

“Look the the kid is probably whipping himself senseless anyway, so I took the easy option”
“When you got a teenage son, it’s a great explanation. It makes sense, of course she bought it”
“The little shit would be giving his old fella a fair bit of right arm pace at those hours, so he probably thinks it was himself anyway,”
With his own degenerate vices now under the rug, Mr Morris says the only repercussion to come from this ordeal is the fact that he now has to have ‘that talk’ with Nathan.
“This will be a breeze. She doesn’t even have to ask him if he was up late watching porn. It’s all up to me… I could walk straight into that room and talk about the NRL… She won’t know what’s happened,”
“But, out of respect to her, I’m gonna go through the paces anyway,”
“I’ll start with ‘We know what you’ve been up to’ then I’ll move on to ‘that’s not what it’s like in real life’ and finish with the old classic ‘you might go blind’ – that’ll put this whole thing to sleep”
As relieved as he is, when asked if this will be a recurring game-saver in the Morris household, Andrew says he is very aware that he won’t be able to pull this trick twice.
“Oh, shit no. The kid is going to be very embarrassed and VERY vigilant. I might have to go handheld from now on,”


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