With Malcolm Turnbull’s approval rating lower than it was when his predecessor sent him the hospital pass as the role of Minister for Communication, the Prime Minister is today reminiscing about his time as someone who actually had control of the LNP.

Speaking to the press gallery today, Turnbull says he can’t believe that voters were more supportive of him when he was gifted the task of slashing money to the public broadcaster and implementing a copper wire NBN to regional Australia.

“Never did I think that I would be less popular than I was back then, let alone less popular than the Prime Minister I was serving under at the time,” he said.

“I was certain, after the spill, that I would be the man that lead the LNP into the 20th century,”

With a growing far-right faction within the Liberal National Party Coalition, Turnbull says he feels more and more powerless every day – as a man who is willing to shake hands with homosexuals and believes there may be some merit in the internationally recognised concept of climate change.

“This plebiscite thing really went pear-shaped didn’t it? It’s not like my days as a CEO – when I knew what was best and people did what I said. Give me a stubborn board of executives any day over the likes of Christensen,”

“I just wish Kerry was still alive. I know these people would listen to me if he was. It wasn’t like this in the 80s”.

As Turnbull points out, the most control he has ever had over the LNP at both state and federal level, was when he was working as the family lawyer for media tycoon Kerry Packer.

“Maaate, when you are dealing with that much money. Politicians seem to just forget their religious affiliations,”

“Faaaark we used to just rock in and out of a Royal Commission like it was the members at Randwick,”

“The bloke invented world series cricket, even the most feral Union types would shut up when we walked into a room,”

With Turnbull’s predecessor and lifelong enemy, Tony Abbott MP, gaining momentum with his constant appearance on 2GB, even though he was not considered the preferred leader when he was ousted two years ago – Turnbull’s neck is on the chopping block.

“I dunno what I’m gonna do, aye” he said to the journalists in Parliament courtyard this morning.

“Maybe I’ll just go hard on boats. That’ll give the polls a sugar hit until the new year I reckon.”


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