Recently self-appointed Minister for Agriculture, the Honourable Malcolm Turnbull MP, has this morning rocked up to his first day on the job wearing a panama hat thats costs more than most Australians would spend on their first car.

Appointed on 27 October 2017, The Prime Minister now holds the badge of Minister for Agriculture and Water Resources, and is assisted by Senator the Hon. Anne Ruston, following the news that former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce is not eligible to hold public office as a citizen of New Zealand.

“I’ve got this. Don’t you worry” said the former Goldman Sachs executive as he arrived in Deep-North West NSW.

“I own more cattle than the entire Nationals combined. It’s a fact. Ask Lucy”

“Now quick, who do I talk to about getting my hands on some specialized animal feed which consists of corn byproducts – derived from ethanol production – barley, and other grains as well as alfalfa and cottonseed”

“My lord it’s hot. I am quite thankful that Lucy picked me up this Panama Montecristi when she was in Ecuador last month. It keeps the sun off my face, but also allows me to cool my forehead while shooing the flies away”

“It serves as a bellow of sorts. A device constructed to furnish a strong blast of air. Through waving it at myself”

The High Court decision to disqualify senior ministers Barnaby Joyce and Fiona Nash will lead to an “ugly month” of uncertainty for the Turnbull government in parliament.

On Friday the court ruled Joyce and Nash, along with three others, were ineligible to stand for the 2016 election because they were dual citizens of New Zealand and Britain respectively.

Joyce will face a by-election in his seat of New England on December 2 and won’t return to parliament until February at the earliest.

In the meanwhile Turnbull will continue rocking up to country towns wearing resortwear.


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