One of Parliament’s most embattled Ministers has called it a day this afternoon.

Christian Porter is sick of all the drama and invasive gossip centred around his personal life.

A Western Australian by birth and electorate, Porter is the son and grandson of two highly regarded Queenslanders.

So with that kind of lineage, he’s decided to throw on a maroon Raph Lauren polo and book a table at public bar to watch Game II of Origin.

This follows a chaotic 48 hours since the ABC’s crack investigative team at Four Corners broke the news that the entitled rich boy currently holding the office of Attorney General has spent his life carrying on like an entitled rich boy.

Questions have been raised about Porter’s attitude towards women, after a Four Corners investigation revealed a history of sexism and inappropriate behaviour.

While nothing could possibly be more embarrassing then the revelations that he entered himself in the 1999 Cleo Bachelor Of The Year competition, the insinuation that Porter can’t handle his piss and utilises workplace power imbalances to sexually gratify himself are also causing him a great deal of stress.

It’s for this reason he’s called up his good mates Barnaby Joyce and Alan Tudge and demanded they make tracks for Manuka Public Bar, where he has booked a table and put a tab on his Commonwealth card.

“Let’s get fucking pissed” he tells Barnaby, whose face was already glowing bright red at the mere suggestion of drinking 20 schooners and watching State Of Origin

“Wouldn’t want to be a beer tonight” laughs Porter.

“Wouldn’t want to be a junior Liberal staffer either Bahahahahah”

“Oi no phones but”



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