In some news from the capital of the country, Australia’s Head of Marketing has announced a big bad prosecutor to investigate allegations of war crimes in the nation’s armed forces.

The special investigator will be asked to examine what went on in Afghanistan as the Government prepares to release a long-awaited report into the conduct of special forces during the conflict.

The office of the investigator will be set up in the Home Affairs office, under the watchful and stringent eye of Peter Dutton – a notorious human rights advocate.

Speaking this afternoon, Morrison explained that the new prosecutor won’t be a toothless tiger.

“Obviously we’ve had a couple of years of the Always Broadcasting Communism and other leftie news outlets trying to bang on about ‘war crimes’ and we can’t put off doing something for any longer,” sighed.

“So, I’ve gone down to Bunnings myself, and picked out a top of line broom with a really strong handle, so our special prosecutor can sweep everything under the carpet,” he laughed.

“Oops, where did that allegation go?”

“Nah seriously though, the entrenched cultural attitudes that foster the behaviour that sees Afghan farmers murdered as part of our supposed quest to fix a country that was destabilised by ‘the West’s’ rampant postcolonial agendas shouldn’t really be an issue for us right now.”

“We’ve got bigger things to focus on other than ratting out a few bad eggs that the vast majority of the defence force are appalled by, but don’t quite know what to do.”


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