ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

HE WAS SO MOVED BY WALEED ALY’S call to arms to buy name brand milk to support our dairy farmers, he even bought himself a Stetson.

However, as time marches on, local socialist Hayden Hatton has fallen back into his old habit of buying the cheapest possible product – and more often than not, it’s a generic store brand.

It’s not just milk. The 26-year-old coffee bean roaster also hopes that Aly doesn’t find out that he’s gone back to hating Sonia Kruger, even after Aly told him that she’s ‘not that evil’.

“Look, mate. I just don’t want to disappoint the big fella,” said Hatton.

“He’s a big role model of mine and I try to live a life that’s true to his philosophy. But it’s hard sometimes, you know? Waleed is such a brave character and the outspoken voice that this country needs to take it into the 21st century. I’d just hate myself if I disappointed him,”

“I’ve started buying Coles brand milk again because it’s just so fucking cheap. You simply cannot walk past it. I’m not made of money and the fine people at Coles know that. But, as we all know thanks to the farmer’s friend Waleed, Coles and Woolworths are robbing Australian farmers, fueling foreclosures and rural suicides from Bathurst to Bunbury. But the prices are down, down, down.”

When asked whether he’d consider following Aly into his next righteous crusade, Hayden Hatton said of course – with a few exceptions.

“If he goes after Pringles or Gatorade, I’m out. If he tells me to stop eating Tim Tams because the Chinese own it, or something like that, he can go get fucked. I’d rather give up my ability to reproduce than give up my junk food.”



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