10 April, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Over the course of the past year, Betoota Dolphin’s fourth grade flanker Stanley Park has tragically lost five grandparents.

Their deaths have prevented him from attending four training sessions and one Saturday game fixture last August against perennial easy beats, the Boulia John Player Specials.

“I can’t believe it,” said the 23-year-old scrummager.

“Grandpa Peter was so fit and healthy last time I saw him. I can’t believe he’s gone. That’s it now, I’m grandparent-less now. My genes must be no good, sad face emoticon.”

However, not everybody in his club has undiagnosed post-concussion syndrome – leading a few inquisitive club heroes to question the veracity of this latest death.

“I count three grandfathers and two grandmothers,” said club treasurer Mick Stockwell.

“Not that it matters, but one of them could’ve been a pot of hummus. Controversial for his day. That or his grandmother remarried. Either way, I don’t see why there’d be a period of mourning for either,”

“Club bylaws dictate that a player can only miss a training session or game for the death of an immediate or blood relative. We’ll get to the bottom of it.”

The Advocate reached out to Mr Park to clarify the situation, but he politely declined.

More to come.



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