Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has today announced his retirement from his family to spend time with his politics and help himself through “serious career challenges”.

This comes just weeks after the Prime Minister declared he was willing to tear both his immediate and extended family a part if it meant protecting the Catholic Church’s interpretation of Australian family values.

As the Member for Warringah comes to blows with both his gay sister and his own daughter, who are staunch defenders of gay marriage, he says he’s never been told what to do by a women – let alone one that he is ranked above in the traditional family structure.

“A vote against marriage equality is a vote against political correctness” he said.

“And my annoying sister”

However, in the weeks following that announcement, Abbott says he has realised that even tearing apart his family is still too taxing on his ideologies, and he must seperate himself from them completely”

“As I have reflected on the approaching halfway mark of more time spent outside of the top job as in it,  the opportunity it presents to refresh team, I have decided that this is the perfect time for me to hand the reins over to my wife, and resign from my family”

“Serving as Prime Minister was been a tremendous honour, as was playing the role of a irrelevant backbencher of the last few months, but I have made clear from the beginning that I was in politics to be as powerful as possible”

“After 10 years in public life, this moment for me has arrived.”

Mr Abbott later addressed the media where he said the career cost of his family had been great, and he struggled not being able to spend time with other backbenchers members who were experiencing the horrible blow of discovering your opinions are irrelevant”

“My family are making it very hard for me to look like I care about Aussie families, because we tend to disagree on everything and it often undermines my efforts to make life hard for Malcolm Turnbull”

“I’ve probably felt that cost more than any other time in the past few months,” he said, trying to maintain his composure.





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