ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The loudest voice in Australian political journalism has announced his retirement this afternoon, bring to an end a career that has spanned some 49 years.

Laurie Oakes made the shock admission earlier today after revealed to reporters that he’s simply ‘had enough of this shit’ and that ‘he’s getting too old to deal with it.’

“With the prospect of another spill on the horizon, it’s just too much for me. They really take it out of a journalist,” said Oakes.

“While there have been many highs and lows throughout my long career, this current period of prolonged political bed-shitting done by every single branch of federal politics has just worn me out and it made me realise that I’m just getting too old for it,”

“As for my successor, I wish Charles Croucher all the best. As a fellow husky gent who’s not afraid of sinking a tin and taking the first hit-up, I feel he’ll grow into the role and mature, finally, as a journalist.”

“Thank you and go and get fucked, all of you.”

Oakes then left the Canberra Press Gallery and made his way downstairs to the canteen, where he enjoyed his last quiche and Strawberry Moove.

As for what he plans on doing next, the septuagenarian told The Advocate that he plans on enjoying a short beach holiday before returning to his native Lithgow.

“It will be nice to return to Lithgow, the Detroit of New South Wales, to catch up with friends. Perhaps throw a few rocks at passing road trains for old times sake and try the ice that I keep hearing about.”

More to come.


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