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Former Prime Minister John Howard has today advised the current leader, Malcolm Turnbull on how to deal with the renaissance of Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party.
Howard, who was leader of the Liberal Party during Pauline Hanson’s first dabble with federal politics, is well remembered for his ability to continue running the country without dedicating too much energy to her xenophobic brand of populism.
“It’s just unproductive for Governments to waste any time on her” Howard told Turnbull
“You can’t laugh at her… If you do that you’ll have every jet-ski owner and his dog calling you smug and out of touch”
“If you make friends with her, you’ll end up with another sixteen George Christensens in your camp”
“What’s going to happen is that everyone’s gonna get bored of her and she’ll get desperate. That’s when she’ll end up doing herself in”
“Or I could see if I can get her arrested again”
Many political strategists today believe that the likelihood of Pauline Hanson’s second fall from grace is growing by the day, as Australia’s working class begin realise she isn’t really capable of anything other than offending Muslims during press conferences.
“First it was the Asians… and then people realised they enjoyed beef noodle soup” said Howard.
“Now its the Muslims and Africans. Just wait a couple years, our Olympic Basketball team will give everyone reason to love these new blackfellas”
Pauline Hanson’s first demise was so spectacular that in August 2003, Hanson was jailed after she and her adviser at the time, David Ettridge, were found guilty of fraudulently registering One Nation, in a desperate bid to get back into the spotlight that shone so brightly on her in 2007.
The former fish and chip shop owner was also convicted of fraudulently obtaining electoral funding to the tune of about half-a-million.
“But what about Western Australia” a panicked Turnbull asked Howard.
“The libs over there have already allied with her”
Howard assured to Turnbull that Western Australian liberals have “always pretty much been the same as One Nation anyway”
“Don’t worry about WA, mate. They are nearly out of coal…”
“They’re opinion isn’t going to matter in a few months”