Deputy Prime Minister has today offered Malcolm Turnbull extra protection against his political rival and jaded predecessor Tony Abbott.

Arriving at Turnbull’s office this morning, Barnaby Joyce introduced the Prime Minister to a loyal National Party member by the name of Berrick, who has been ordered to follow the Coalition leader to every one of his public engagements in the nation’s capital over the next few months.

“Just until Abbott settles down” said Joyce.

“Malcolm, I know you’ve got your own team to help you keep this bloke from making a move, but Berrick here will put him down like a lame pony if he decides to have a crack”

Turnbull, while nervous about having a former cattle grazier with grade 8 level literacy levels following him around Parliament with a loaded shotgun, accepted Mr Joyce’s offer.

“We need to work together, now more than ever” Turnbull told Berrick.

“The last thing we want is to have this great progress we have made tackling both metropolitan and regional industrial and economic issues spoiled by a faction who believe dinosaurs only existed two thousands years ago”

This move comes after Tony Abbott claimed the Liberal Party was “haemorrhaging members”, as tensions rise over the former prime minister’s push to change the way candidates are preselected

Mr Abbott made the claim while arguing the party needed to empower its members and give them a vote in preselections.

“We’re haemorrhaging members in every state but it’s a particular problem in NSW because we’ve got this dreadful situation where we have got factionalists and lobbyists who seem to be controlling the party,” Mr Abbott told Sydney’s 2GB radio.

“Why aren’t I still Prime Minister?” he asked.

“What’s with all this unity and moderate Liberal politics? We need to be strong in our fight against abortions and state recognised gay relationships”

Abbott denies claims that he was spotted sharpening a hunting knife in his Parliamentary office late last night.




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