Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has reportedly laid the blame of his recent affair with a staffer Vikki Campion on his drunken decision to lather his neck with a wipe-on-sex appeal sachet.

Popular in regional pub bathrooms and truck stops, the Wipe-On sex appeal has proven time and time again to be the number one pheromone scent.

In December 2015, a Betoota local admitted he successfully ‘got a root’ after trialling the product in a local nightclub.

Sources close to the red-faced sex icon say after experiencing a renewed interest from passing females, Mr Joyce decided to make a habit of using the sachets, believing that it may help him politically if he was able to mesmerise the opposite sex after wiping his neck and wrists.

It is believed that it was not just Ms Campion that found the Member For New England wildly irresistible in the brief few weeks he spent wearing the leading Australian pheromone wipe – but he was unable to fend off the affair as she was just too persistent.

“Barnaby never wanted this. But the women just found him too sexy” said one source close to the Nationals leader.

“He was really bringing sexy back for a while there. We are all very glad he stopped wearing it”

“…There could have been many more kids”





  1. kindly stop making reasonable and more believable excuses for the deputy prime minister of Australia than he has put forward in his own defence…I would have also have accepted ‘the devil made me do it’ or even ‘I’m just stupid’.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here