World News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Noted Greenie Boris Johnson has today tried to push his climate change agenda on Australia. This comes after the UK Prime Minister called our Prime Minister to urge him to take 'bold action' on the issue overnight. The Old Eatonian, a noted sandstone school and nursery for socialist lefties released a statement saying that he "stressed that we...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Apple, manufacturers of shiny expensive rectangles, are about to release the iPhone 12 on Friday, and as predicted by industry insiders, the new model is the shiniest and expensivest rectangle to date.   The phone, which in a design breakthrough features a rectangular body with rounded corners, also continues Apple’s ongoing drive to add better cameras and software to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Our neighbours across the ditch have started getting ready for their big election day coming up. Taking place over the weekend, the Kiwis are set to head to the community hall to vote in either Jacinda or Judith, with the current PM holding a 27 point lead as we go to print. However, in a sign of the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Portuguese footballing superstar Cristiano Ronaldo is causing a bit of a scene, it can be confirmed today. The Juventus forward is doing so in some under the pump European hospital where he is being treated for COVID-19. The already overworked staff have revealed that Ronaldo is continually diving on the floor whenever they try and administer some treatment...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Cetacean experts have called on all migrating whales to download the latest GPS map updates following the recent mass stranding in Tasmania, an island off the coast of Australia.   Late last month almost 400 pilot whales died when they beached themselves at Macquarie Point. The whales were first noticed on September 21, when a group of 270 males with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT US Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has revealed a bold election campaign ploy today. The Democratic Leader has reportedly contacted Stone Cold Steve Austin to hire him to pay Donald Trump a visit if he goes back into hospital. President Trump is currently out and about after leaving the hospital following only 3 days of treatment, however, plenty of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The militant supporters of Donald Trump have taken his advice today and are refusing to let this horrible virus dominate their lives. President Trump was discharged from Walter Reed National Military Medical Center and returned to the White House on Monday evening, where he took his mask off and gave his die-hards a double thumbs up - before violating...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The United States Government has today shocked its citizens by announcing it has begun trialling free health care for broke senior citizens. This landmark policy moment comes after one of their elderly residents whose tax returns say he might not be worth anywhere near as much as he claims to be, came down with the deadly virus over...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT American news outlets have today released footage of President Donald Trump arriving at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, where the White House says he will remain hospitalised for "the next few days." to monitor his COVID-19 symptoms. Emerging from the White House residence at 6:16 p.m. ET for his first public appearance since announcing 16 hours earlier he...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from the United States Of America, Donald and Melania Trump have officially recorded more cases of community transmission than the entire state of Queensland. This comes after the President and First Lady were both diagnosed with the virus, which they publicly refused to acknowledge until it started getting a bit too full-on. The President...