The Nation

Father of three teenage girls can finally quit abusing Valium as Bachelor ends

16 September, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A LOCAL FATHER OF FOUR feels that he can finally stop abusing a powerful muscle-relaxant as Network Ten's runaway dating show The Bachelor, came to a controversial end last night in Bali. Valium, diazepam, benzos - whatever you call the magic little pills, they've kept 61-year-old Walter Greenshaw sane against insurmountable odds. As a doting...

Finance Worker Content With Being The Least Interesting Member Of His Squad

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ARMED WITH THE GUMMIEST SMILE in New Farm and an economics degree from a sandstone university, Gavin Coolidge has the rest of his life charted out with professional and society milestones clearly plotted out ahead of him. Married prematurely last year at age 29, the credit solutions executive agrees that having a ring on the...

Melbourne Coffee Artist Claims He’s Been Calling Chet Faker ‘Nick Murphy’ For Years

13 September, 2016. 12:10 ROY MARTIN | Music | Contact An announcement by the artist formerly known as Chet Faker last week that he would prefer to go by his actual name, Nick Murphy, from now on has been met with excitement around the world. That is, for everyone besides Jacob, 29, a barista/barman working around Melbourne’s Brunswick street for the past 10 years. Jacob has been...

Malcolm Turnbull Makes Surprise Appearance At Gulgong Terriers’ Mad Monday

12 September, 2016. 12:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite finishing their season with a hard fought 22-28 loss in the Group 14 grand final against the Gilgandra Panthers on Saturday, The Gulgong Bull Terriers' have had their spirits lifted by a surprise appearance from Prime Minister Turnbull at their Mad Monday celebrations today. The proud rugby league club, who's first grade players have been...

Betoota Hotel Back Out Of The Red After Installing Eight More Brickie’s Laptops

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER A LONG DAY of breaking shit up and throwing in a skip bin, Gregor Townsend wants nothing more than to head down to his local piss house and put his hard-earning into Pelican Pete, his favourite poker machine. Slurping his way through his first ice cold schoon-rat of the afternoon like a plumper on...

Local grandpa wonders if grandson would have it in him to bayonet a Japanese teenager like he did

9 September, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE COULDN'T BE happier that total war has been relegated to the history books of mankind, a 96-year-old retired Army Captain can't help but wonder if his 26-year-old full-time stay-at-home grandson has it in him to thrust a bayonet into someone - something asked of the nation's youth just 70 short...

Daily Telegraph to replace renowned World News section with Salim Mehajer live blog

8 September, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FIRST THE BBC WORLD SERVICE left their home at BBC Bush House in central London, then The New York Times closed their correspondent desks around the world - now Sydney's Daily Telegraph is closing down their world-renowned World News section. Rather than trim the paper down and perhaps save some online server...

Bondi area fuck boy defends Apple’s courageous wireless headphone design

8 September, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact HIS EARLY MORNING WALKS through the bluffs of North Bondi in a long-sleeved tee shirt just aren't the same unless he's got some easy listening Jack Johnson quietly strumming away in each ear. But for David Sampson-Cochrane, Apple's announcement this morning that the new iPhone 7 will drop the industry-standard 3.5mm headphone jack for...

PR firm folds after hiring too many career-minded women with dark hair

8 September, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact ONE OF BRISBANE'S OLDEST public relations firms, Fanning, Beattie & Thaiday BBDO, has gone into receivership this morning after over thirty years of dutiful service to the River City's media industry. The company was famed for stemming the 'brain drain' of young talented women, who saw their future media ambitions in media...

Christmas Joy: Coastie Teen Excited To Bash A Few Timid City Kids For Not Being Locals

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Teenage North Stradbroke Island resident, Zane Scobie (16) is one of many coastal small-town kids who's entire town gets overtaken by tourists during the warmer months. He says the winter can be tough for many reasons. For one, his dad's surf-shop suffers from an annual slump in business as the holidayers stay at home. On top of that,...

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