Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NRL chief commercial officer Andrew Abdo has today described the securing of Iggy Azalea and Russell Crowe as pre-match entertainment for the grand final as a real win for the code. “We are excited to showcase this fusion of hot hit music live for our fans,” Abdo said. “Our grand final entertainment will once again ensure that the biggest match...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Coach Michael Cheika travelled to the plains of Zimbabwe over the weekend to personally ask a crash of local rhinoceroses to grant flanker-turned-conservationist David Pocock a sabbatical from his work there to rejoin the Wallabies squad in time for the next test match in Bloemfontein. Facing the Springboks in a race to the bottom, Cheika arrived on the African continent...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bondi Junction's Rebel Sport outlet have today revealed they are now completely out of all Sydney Rooster's scarves, as Sydneysiders try their very best to make scarves a thing in the NRL. After years of trying to pretend they were from Melbourne, the core community of sports fans in Sydney's Eastern Suburbs have had to come crawling back to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite now no longer having a job, Australian tri-code footballing star Israel Folau has stood by his religious beliefs that the only appropriate form of binding between two men is when they put their hand under each other's crotch from behind and grab the baggy bit of Canterbury footy shorts in front of the penis. Folau caused a social...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NRL CEO Todd Greenberg has backed up his statement saying "the game must grow up" in relation to Cronulla coach Shane Flanagan's criticism of match officials. Greenberg says despite the $30,000 fine dished out towards Flanagan for his immature comments, he does agree with the sentiment, and as of 2018, the competition will be removing all on-field referees. "It's to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Socceroos coach Ange Postecoglou has taken a leaf out of Bill O'Reily's book and told a waiting media conference that the team will 'fuck it and do it live'. The national European-style football team missed out on automatic qualification to the 2018 soccer world cup after failing to whip Thailand enough times to garner that privilege. Instead, a series of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Moments after Twiggy Forrest concluded a press conference this morning where he announced he's planning his own 'rebel' rugby union competition in light of the Western Force being cut from Super Rugby, the ghost of Kerry Packer emerged in the sky and smiled down on him. The philanthropic mining magnate announced he'll start a rival rugby competition to Super Rugby...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A die-hard v8 fan currently holidaying in Central-West New South Wales is carefully scouring the campsite at Mt Panorama for an extra couple boxes of tins he buried up a few weeks ago. With a metal detector in hand, Bradley Bowler (45) says he's gone to great lengths to get around the Bathurst 1000's controversial...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact After wrangling a significant pay increase for international male and female cricketers, as well as professional state players, the national men's team has attempted to justify it as they stare down a hefty first Test chase in Dhaka. Up against the Newcastle Knights of the test cricketing world, Australia came close to being humbled as they carry a huge 158-run...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even after making a special effort to wear a sleeveless muscle shirt that shows off his recently-inked Koi fish, a local UFC fan has panicked after realising he left his Monster Energy-themed flat brim hat at home. "Fuck!" says the local peptide-user, Gareth (32). "How did I fucking forget! I'm sitting here looking like an idiot without a flatty" With...