Sports

Bloke Who Turned Up Without Any Beers To Grand Final Party Asks If He Can Have One Of Yours

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Hamish Whistler, a nice South Betootanese man, has just turned up to a house party on Cresent Road without a box of beer under the promise of getting one - but he'd love one of yours in the interim. The 29-year-old told our reporters that he's got every intention of getting a carton for the...

Diehard Wallabies Fan Shocked To Learn The Wallabies Played Last Night

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports| Contact Waking from yet another night of drinking imported beer out of green bottles, a local Wallabies fan was shocked to see the boys in gold had a game last night. Rex Conurra, a popular East Betootanese finance worker, woke around ten this morning to see a flurry of push notifications regarding the 27-all draw against the Springboks...

Swans fan receives Tigers scarf just in time for the bounce

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact After the “Mighty Bloods” went 0-6 to start the season, the Marketing Analyst from the Harbour Capital's Eastern Suburbs had written the year off. He was sparked back into life as the Bondi Boys swarmed into the finals series on the back of a dream run of victories. However, upon the Swans getting knocked out,...

Richmond, NSW, Draped In Yellow And Black Colours Ahead Of Grand Final Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian AFL club, Richmond Tigers' stirring run to the Grand Final has awakened thousands of latent football fans, and it seems they have spent the week painting Inner-East Melbourne yellow and black. Cafes, mechanics, hairdressers to watering holes and even the town hall, the famous Richmond colours can be seen everywhere if you look in Victorian footy hub. Surprisingly, nearly 900...

Workplace Bullying Complaint Dismissed After It’s Discovered Victim Is A Roosters Supporter

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local account director at a Betooticone Valley tech start-up made a formal complaint to his company's HR department earlier today, saying he was the victim of savage, institutional bullying. Human resources staff at CuttiPizza, a start-up specialising in custom-shaped pizzas, responded promptly and swiftly but ultimately found there was no case for his fellow...

Abbott Criticises Mandela For Mixing Politics With Sport During 1995 RWC Speech

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following on from his comments last night where he voiced his concern that Macklemore was bringing his personal brand of politics to the NRL grand final by promising to perform his hit song Same Love, which is about same-sex marriage, Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has fired shots at the late civil rights icon, Nelson Mandela, for his...

Dally M Awards: Long-Suffering Wives And Girlfriends Of NRL Players Finally Get Their Moment

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The particularly difficult existence as a wife or girlfriend of an NRL player is getting pushed to the back of everyone's minds tonight, as the game celebrates it's 'night of nights' at Sydney's Star Casino. The WAGS (wives and girlfriends) of professional rugby league players often say the fruits of their chosen life are few and far between -...

Assange Begs Ecuador’s President To Allow Him Internet Access To Stream Cowboys Final

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Wikileaks founder and internationally exiled political whistleblower Julian Assange has today promised Ecuadorian President Lenín Moreno to allow him one-off access to the internet this weekend to watch his beloved North Queensland Cowboys take on the Melbourne Storm in the 2017 NRL Grand Final. Mr Assange has lived and worked in Ecuador's London embassy since June 2012, having been granted...

Katter Begins Pre-Match Mind Games By Firing Adler Shotgun Into Shopfronts In Bondi

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Maverick North Queensland MP Bob Katter has flown down to Sydney today to support his beloved NRL Side. First stop, Bondi Beach. The sunkissed boys from the North Queensland Cowboys are living out yet another fairytale finals dash, but history shows they a late round match against Sydney Roosters is a curveball for any club. Since their inception in...

Dusty Kisses Lucky Trolley Pole Before Running On Against These So-Called Western Sydney Boys

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Iconic Richmond Tigers midfielder, Dustin Martin has revealed he doesn't shy away from supersition, particularly when he's staring down the barrel at a history-making premiership. The 28-year-old product of Campbelltown in Sydneys wild south-west says he's treating today's AFL Grand Final against Greater Western Sydney at the MCG just like he would treat a scrap in the car park...

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