Breaking News

 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Ascot-based real estate tycoon, Darren Fanning (35) has today 'broken in' his brand spankin' Prado, after pulling the arse out and parking with two wheels on the nature strip outside his family home. Only months after picking up 'the beast' at Moorooka's magic mile, Darren is still yet to squeeze in a trip to Fraser Island with his other...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT According to its owners and other acquaintances, a local cat has spent most of it's spoilt life on its arse, and not doing any of the cool shit humans would do if they were cats. 3-year-old Fluffy has not once climbed to the top of a tree in the botanical gardens and very rarely struts along the top...

The world’s largest retailer and biggest reason your bank keeps calling you to double-check if your card was stolen or not, Amazon, has today announced a new internal investigation into several reports that Alexa, their SmartHome platform, has been randomly and consistently bursting into laughter while reading your Internet search history. In a press conference delivered via precision drone strike,...

LOUIS BURKE | Youth Culture | CONTACT Leader of The Greens Richard Di Natale did not appear his confident, charming self as he spoke to reporters today, appearing to fidget and twiddle his thumbs. “I've just been trying to make sure we can clear our schedule in a couple days. I've been making sure there's nothing I need to tend to in the senate" "Think...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As The Nationals party begins to feel some sense of normality again, their party summit in Gundagai (aka Rock the Riverina) has been shaken by the arrival of boisterous new MP known only as Mrs Joycefire. During George Christensen’s Warren Truss impersonation, Mrs Joycefire stormed the stage, snatching the microphone, before proceeding to roast Christensen. It is believed most...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recently-but-not-so-recently unemployed man is making drastic moves to avoid watching Ellen on television today, and instead, he is stretching out phone calls with his mates working 9-5. While his mates act polite and try their best to not be distracted by their jobs, Jim Peterson (28) wants to know what else happened after he left on Saturday night. "Was...

KENT REGINALD | Scandals | CONTACT Former Australian Vice-Captain and current holder of the ‘Trevor Chappell Award For Most Disappointing Australian’, David Warner, has issued a heartfelt apology to fans across the world after his actions betrayed the very spirit of LG TVs he once held so dear. Warner, who was today banned from cricket for 12 months for his role in the ball-tampering...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local moron has today had toss up whether the scantily clad smoke-show that has just slid into his friend requests, with no pre-existing contact or mutual friends, is real or not. Going by the name of 'Bella Whyte' - the account shows what looks like a bikini model, with only one photo of herself, laying on some rocks...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact The other four members of the flinders family have today had to pause their Shrek 3 viewing as the patriarch received a phone call from an old mate he grew up with, who is currently on a cruise. This interruption is doubly bad for the flinders family, not only has it prevented the viewing of Mike Myers greatest...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Jenna Betts (27) says she doesn't really like partaking in gossip, but sometimes it's for the greater good. And, for the record, it's not technically gossiping if you are simply informing a close friend of something that is being kept from her. Like, she'd want someone to do the same for her. That's why she informed Ally that her ex-boyfriend...