IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Kelly Copeland says she can't help being the life of the party, it's a rare honour that she takes very seriously. However, each of her Sunday starts the same way, whether it be a special day like today or just another morning brushing the sambuca off her back molars. "I don't know why she rouses on me...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that the height of one-off, situational drunken comedy comes from shoulder charging a friend into a manicured bush. Lead researcher, Professor Paul Vautin says anyone who has witnessed this happen would agree that it is a serious pissa. "Of the 1800 subjects we interviewed and monitored, we have found that 97%...

 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Double Bay-based Stockbroker Joseph Gilling is very glad that his initial interpretation of the #BanTheBag petition wasn't correct. The 32-year-old Martin Place cowboy has since called off his local drug dealer, who was due to drop close to a kilogram of pure Sydney-recut cocaine, in a mad dash to stock up on his favourite recreational...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fact that it's already dark at knock-off is a perfectly good excuse to not exercise on this Monday afternoon, it has been confirmed. With a winter chill in the air, and a gloomy stillness usually associated with warm soup and TV-series-bingeing, the nation is currently tossing up whether they avoid going to the gym this...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A peaceful Saturday morning bus ride into Betoota's French Quarter this morning was ruined for one man after sitting down on a wet bus seat, prompting him to wonder just what in the hell the liquid could be. Connor Penchant, 45, of Wilmington Boulevard in West Betoota said he just hopes it isn't piss. "If it's...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Sal Melville (23) has made the bold play of liking a local hunk's display picture from 6 months ago. Even though the bloke has had two new profile images since November, Ms Melville is very aware that he'll notice that she's keen enough to click left a couple times on his display picture. Her main concern at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's peak scientific body confirmed today that the Millennial generation's fourth favourite word, wanderlust, is loosely translated from the Middle High German word of the same spelling that means 'crippling credit card debt'. While originally thought to have its root in the Germanic phrase, 'Can you just pay for my airfares, dad?', researchers from the CSIRO...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Advocate can reveal today that a local tradesman has taken time out of his busy afternoon to ask a fellow tradesman if he has much work on at the moment. Exchanging a few words while maintaining the status quo, Dennis Coleman, a local roofer and Martin McDougall, a local plumber, both asked each other...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A large group of blokes that have spent the last two and half hours hovering around the lamb spit aren't certain, but they reckon that might be enough, surely. "Come on. That's gotta be done by now" says one salivating idiot. "Yeah tell me about it. It's not like he's looking back at us" says another. However, as is usually...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A North Betootanese father-of-four revealed to The Advocate today from the deck of his Daroo St Queenslander that he's planning on eating a steak and other non-Halal meats tomorrow regardless of what anybody thinks. Glenn Martin has already told seven unrelated people today that he's going to eat red meat and he 'doesn't give a...