A space cadet mate has been referred to the Australian Wedding Crime Commission this afternoon after once again displaying he’s unfit for groomsman duties.

Callum Heusen (28) is the 4th groomsman of local Betoota carpenter Dale O’Dwyer, a man who’s scheduled to have his wedding at Buckled Wombat Winery in just two weeks time.

With time counting down until the big day, The Advocate learned this week Dale arranged an emergency schooner with his groom’s party down at the Shearers Arms Hotel, a meeting called to nut out the final wedding arrangements over a few quiet mid-week beers.

“Now you’ve all got your suits ordered, I’ll pick up them on the Wednesday before,” Dale said to his group of dipshit mates who all stared back at him like stunned mullets.

“Our accommodation is sorted thanks to Duncan, cheers Dunc!” Dale continued, nodding to his best man who’d fixed up a 5-bed house close to the venue.

“The ceremony starts at 2pm, we’ve got heaps of time in the morning to just chill out, hang around, I think we start getting our suits on at about 12?”

Realising there’s a potential three to four hour window in the morning totally unaccounted for, groomsman Callum decided to pipe up with a logical but dumb suggestion that has the potential to ruin the $60,000 day.

“We could play golf ya know, a quick 9 holes at Royal Betoota?” Callum offered.

“Then we do a few beers at the RSL to settle your nerves, what do you reckon?”

Offering up such a suggestion, it quickly became evident to Dale and his wider wedding team that whilst Callum meant well, it was clear he’d never before felt the cyclonic whirlwind of stress most experience at a wedding.

“It’s a bit tight mate, I don’t think we’ll have time…” replied best man Dunc.

“I think I’ll just bring the XBox to the AirBnb and we can play FIFA while the girls get ready. Their make-up starts at 6am, we better stay close by on the big day.”


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