As the media continue the siege against the Parliament House rapist protection racket, the Prime Minister is once again treading water without a crisis management strategy.

Not since the forced handshakes of Cobargo have we seen such panic in the eyes of Scotty From Marketing, as the press gallery continues to chip away with questions about how he could have allowed two alleged rapists working within 50 metres of his desk for a couple years now.

Just a fortnight after he insisted that he could empathise with female sexual assault victims because he has daughters, the newest rape scandal to rock his party is so politically damaging that he isn’t even going to acknowledge it.

To make things worse, the ‘mystery rapist Cabinet Minister’ is now causing deep divisions within the party, with several Sydney MPs reportedly furious about spending a week being wrongly accused.

It is believed that Morrison had his fingers crossed that Prince Phillip would die this week, and swamp this merciless news cycle with tributes to the Queen’s Husband.

Unfortunately for the Coalition, the old fucker is still alive – not that even his death is a sure bet of aborting the media’s mission to out rapists in Parliament House.

Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, a disgruntled source deep within the Prime Minister’s Office say that the bloke-in-chief is just waiting on a miracle.

Something like a rugby league player to committing grievous bodily harm in a pokie pub in Western Sydney or Newcastle.

“A coward punch would be ideal. From a big name star. That’s the dream” says the dissident female staffer, who lives in fear of the mean she works with every day.

“He loves to use rugby league when the Sharks are winning”

“But he loves it use rugby league when he’s in trouble too”

With Facebook back online and publishing Australian news, there is no way that the sexual assault allegations, many coming from within his own ranks, are going to be overshadowed by any bigger news stories.

Short of Joe Biden getting JFK’d or the entire country lighting on fire again, it seems that these stories are only going to continue to boil in a pressure cooker until the big fella snaps after going a whole week without his 9 hours of sleep a night.


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