In a decision that has shocked no one, over 70% of the Australian public voted in favour of legalising same sex marriage on the controversial postal survey.

Across the country, the queer community and allies have joined together to celebrate the support against one of the last vestiges of inequality in the Australian constitution.

One not so happy voter, is head of the Australian Christian Lobby Lyle Shelton who is blaming the Yes verdict on the lack of people voting No.

“It’s completely unfair. This is not taking into account the amount of people who would have voted ‘no’ but didn’t because they have a moral conscience.”

Despite the results from the Australian Bureau of Statistics showing that each state voted in favour of marriage equality, Shelton states this a bias towards the majority of voters.

“I expect this behaviour from Victorians but it’s Tasmania that really surprises me. I expected better from them.”

“Since when did the majority start getting their way all the time?”

Not giving up, Shelton is hopeful that a marriage equality bill will fail parliament.

“I’ll be praying that our pollies do the right thing and ignore the wishes the majority of Australia. It will be God’s will.”

The leading voices that make up the Christian right behind the No Campaign have today hit out at their unfair treatment at the hands of everyday Australians.

“It’s not fair” says Shelton.

“We have been bullied by a majority of the Australian voters into listening to their collective feelings about this whole this whole issue”

As confirmed moments ago by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the people of Australia have voted in favour of changing the law to allow same-sex marriage.

Australian Statistician David Kalisch announced the results of the ABS postal survey from Canberra, confirming the survey had delivered a Yes result. Of 12.7 million votes, 61 per cent were returned in favour of same-sex marriage.

The final participation rate accounted for 79.5 per cent of eligible voters, most of whom decided that gays can get married and who gives a fuck.

Tony Abbott is believed to be now working towards creating a nest of hyper-political red tape to prevent the marriage act from being changed before the next election.


  1. The NSW premier has conceded that the state’s number plates will now replace the “The Premier State” with “The Wowser State”.


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