17 January, 2017. 10:15

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

There’s always one at each party – and last Saturday night, it was Ethan Whistler.

Unfortunately for the West Betoota piano tuner, he couldn’t stretch the weekly budget far enough to include his usual assorted box of cleanskin whites and a man-sized packet of Horizon Blues for the weekend.

But recoil in fear he did not, the 29-year-old put on his favour denim jacket that he fished out of the local Seventh-Day Adventist charity bin late last year and headed out into the sticky January evening.

Managing to jag himself a couple rogue Powers Gold tins out of the bath, the next thing on his mind was to wrap his lips around somebody else’s lung candy.

“Hey mate, do you mind if I borrow a ciggie,” he said to The Advocate’s own Dennis Hickey, the resident meteorologist. “Oh, I can’t roll. Can you roll it for me? Cheers bro.”

Not wanting to make a scene, Hickey proceeded to part with his Port Royal – taking the time to really stretch and thin out his precious tobacco donation as to minimise the damage to his own breast pocket.

“Fuck me dead, mate. I felt like I was pregnant in Ipswich,” said Dennis. “Smoking for two. But he was pretty harmless, I guess.”

However, as he began to enjoy the rich taste and satisfying refreshment from the Port Royal he’d only just managed to snaffle, the owner of the house and the Gold tin in his paw quickly put an end to it.

West Betoota Police are urging anyone with information about an alleged assault on Ethan Borrice Whistler of Kelvin Road North, to call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or use the Crime Stoppers online reporting page: https://nsw.crimestoppers.com.au/

Information you provide might be treated in the strictest of confidence. We remind people they should NOT report crime information via our Facebook and Twitter pages.

More to come.



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