The people in charge of communications related disputes have finally commented on the Optus debacle.

Prone to very public and very major fuck ups, Optus have currently spent the morning frantically trying to figure out why their entire network is down.

Struck by an unknown issue at roughly 4am this morning, Optus customers have been unable to get any reception on their phones or devices.

While many average Australians have been without the ability to scroll social media or talk to family members, plenty of businesses, institutions and healthcare providers have also been kneecapped by the outage.

Given Optus’ history of crashing, failing to protect peoples data and being involved PR nightmares, the Communications Ombudsman has today decided to step in.

“Nah, that’s fucking enough,” said the Ombudsman today.

“I’ve had it up to here with that lot.”

“I’ve told them to hand over all mobile operations to SBS.”

The Ombudsman explained that they’ve asked Optus to give their telecommunications arm to the public broadcaster in order to replicate the success of the 2018 World Cup.

For egg shaped ball fans and ‘sportsball’ people, the 2018 World Cup was covered entirely by the home of football in Australia (SBS) after Optus completely fucked up their streaming service, despite going all out to secure exclusive rights to a huge number of games.

The major bungle forced the telco to just hand it over to the broadcaster that should have had it in the first place, and thankfully has the 2026 edition.

As a result of SBS’s ability to deal with Optus’ hospital passes, the Communications Ombudsman now wants them to take over telephone and internet operations.

“Optus can barely fucking function despite essentially operating in a duopoly, lol sorry Vodafone. They’ve had enough changes, it’s SBS time.”

“Free Erotic tales for all customers.”

More to come.


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