A Betoota Heights local is a little suspicious of what’s in this new jab, given the short time frame it has been created in.

Rob Quinn [22] says he’s ‘not like an anti-vaxxer’ or anything, but he’s seen what happened in ‘I Am Legend’ and reckons the hastily developed vaccine sounds ‘sketchy as fuck’ and he definitely won’t be first in line to get it. This declaration is said to have come a mere month after Rob was caught buying pingers at a local night club, which could have contained anything from MD and speed, to ice or meth – or even rat poison, according to someone’s mum.

“Yeah I don’t know, doesn’t a vaccine take two years to make? How did they make it so fast”, says Rob.

“Sounds like someone’s cutting corners to me.”

“I mean, a woman can’t make nine babies in a month no matter how hard she tries.”

“I’m not planning on travelling in the next couple of years so I think I’ll wait and see if there’s any side effects first.”

According to an exasperated vaccine researcher, Dr, Eric Parry, the jab was able to be developed so quickly as a result of worldwide cooperation, plenty of funding, and prior knowledge and every nerd in the world being told to stop what they are doing. 

“We were very lucky it was a Coronavirus, and not some unknown virus.” Says Dr. Parry.

“Knowing a virus’s biology is the first step to beating it, and the development of the Mers jab gave us a lot of information on how we could train an immune system to attack the spike of the pandemic.”

“Add to that the fact we’re dealing with a short term respiratory virus and not something complex, such as HIV, and it’s very easy to understand why the jab was able to be created so quickly.”

“So in a nutshell, pull your fucking head in and get it”

More to come.


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