Two prominent silver screen volcanologists are set to combine their knowledge and latent sexual energy in an X-rated reboot of 1997’s geological thrillers Dante’s Peak and Volcano which has the working title, Dante’s Volcano.

Pierce Brosnan and Tommy Lee Jones have reportedly signed with Disney to bring their beloved old character’s back to life in what’s been described as being the summer blockbuster of 2019.

Set on the Hawaiian island of Maui, both Brosnan and Jones will at first be pitted against each other before begrudgingly having to work together to save all of mankind for a volcanic winter.

Speaking to The Advocate this afternoon via Skype, Brosnan said he was apprehension about the project but once the studio promised him an X rating, he was in.

“I don’t know what they have in mind to make it rated X,” he said.

“As a matter of fact, I’m quite intrigued. I thought you could only get an X rating if you showed people actually fucking on screen, like something full-on pornographic in nature. Even then, I thought they had to be raw-dogging it to finally get that X,”

“If that’s what they have in mind, then it’ll certainly be a new experience for me. There was nothing in the script to suggest that but Ron Howard has done madder things. I’m looking forward to production starting as soon as they put the volcano out.”

Critically and commercially acclaimed director Ron Howard is attached to direct the 330-minute epic film after talks with Mel Gibson fell through earlier this year.

Howard spoke to our reporter shortly after Pierce handed his MacBook over him.

“The X rating comes from a scene were we needlessly show people being thrown into molten lava,” confirmed Howard.

“The rumors surrounding the possible appearance of some drunken reverse cowgirl or lazy Sunday morning side doggy are false. The X rating comes entirely from violent death and gore. Just the way it ought to be.”

The Advocate reached out to Mr Jones’ management for comment but he was still asleep at the time of print.

Dante’s Volcano is set to premiere in Australia on the 30th of January next year.

More to come.


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