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“Mmmmm… Côtes du Rhône ce soir, monsieur?” he giggled to himself.

“Nah, not tonight. I’m not in a position to fork out $20 right now. Maybe when exams are over.”

A mildly, not wildly popular second-year student at the South Betoota Polytechnic College toyed with the idea overnight of perhaps treating himself to a nice bottle of rouge – before waking up to himself.

Zachary Redlands, who last spoke to The Advocate in 2013 about his outrageous claims that he had a growth spurt at 28, ultimately left with a small but concise selection of South-East Australian red blends he picked up for $3 a bottle.

“I long for the day when I wouldn’t even cook with this glorified E10,” he said.

“But while I’m studying, I need to make concessions. I don’t want to wake up in five years thinking everything in life is grand – only to be sent a letter from the government saying I owe them $5500 in overpaid AusStudy benefits,”

“That’d be bad. However, until then, I will let my mind wander when I’m in the bottle shop. I’ll let it saunter between the grapevines of Bordeaux and Tuscany. Through the rolling green hills of Marlborough and have the gentle backbeat of a contemporary San Cisco track accompany my thoughts when they’re in Margaret River. A boy can dream, can’t he?”

Redlands also made the point that he often enjoys his wine in the company of John Player and his special cigarettes – which also eats into his liquor budget.

“Perhaps I should look into studying abroad? Christ, if only I wasn’t so painfully middle-class, I might be able to afford to go on exchange.”

More to come.


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